How To Leave Your Baby – Common Hurdles People Face
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Leaving your baby for the first time overnight is a big deal! For many, it can feel incredibly daunting and stir up feelings of overwhelm and stress. Believe me – I’ve been there! I recently left my baby with my husband overnight and it was everything I expected it to be; nerve-wracking, intense, overthought but ultimately a success! You can check out my Instagram highlight about it to see all the feelings and thoughts I had before the trip. Sometimes having someone normalize the way you are feeling helps you feel seen! Choosing the right time to leave your baby is a super personal choice. Some babies and moms feel comfortable at a much earlier stage than others and finding the right time for you is important. These are my tips for prepping to leave your baby overnight.
Feeding
One of the stumbling blocks I often hear, and this was definitely true for me, is that the infant is predominately breastfed and not keen on taking a bottle! With Leni my youngest, we introduced a bottle around 10 days old and she took it easily. Then, when my husband returned to work it was easier just to nurse, so I didn’t practice bottles and then we were back to square one when I needed her to take a bottle! Big mistake!
So if you can, try to consistently give one bottle a day. The key here is to practice practice practice! It’s a matter of trial and error. If your baby is predominantly breastfed you want to try and find a bottle nipple in the shape of a v so that it more similarly mimics a nipple. The Lanisoh bottles and Evenflo always come highly recommended! You can play around and see if one is more of a hit, although this can be a tad pricey! The second thing to look at if you are experiencing bottle refusal, is how you are feeding them the bottle. There are two routes to look at. You can either try and replicate the breastfeeding experience by holding them in a nursing position, perhaps in a rocking chair, or familiar breastfeeding spots, maybe dim lights and try giving them the bottle this way. Or you can change paths and make it a different experience entirely so that they aren’t associating it with nursing To do this you could have your baby face out from you, sat up, or have your knees up and lying back against your knees. Play around and see which is your infant's preference. Some babies also prefer room temperature or cold milk rather than heated milk or fresh milk rather than frozen and thawed milk. There are lots of suggestions from parents experiencing bottle refusal on my bottle highlight on Instagram. If you are still having no luck you can always try feeding them milk from a cup! I’ve linked the cup that we have recently purchased here.
Parental Preference
Another stumbling block that is often reported when leaving a baby is the infant's strong preference for a caregiver. This is perfectly normal and to be expected if one caregiver is giving most of the care, especially if they are nursing. Many moms say they are worried that dad won’t be able to settle the baby or the baby will be distressed and unsettled. Tears and longing for a caregiver are a healthy part of attachment and so long as the person taking care of your baby is someone that they are familiar with and are used to having their needs met by, then they will be able to be soothed and supported through the experience. This can be made easier by having the other caregiver get involved with things like bedtimes, naptimes, practicing soothing the baby, and playing with them during the day so that their attachment and confidence in that person increases before they are going to be in the role of sole caregiver. Practicing having the person who is going to look after your baby doing a bedtime will help to ease some of the anxiety. This doesn’t have to be straight off, you can build up to them doing bedtime by being involved with bath time, stories, songs, etc. I have a blog here with a more detailed explanation of how to help your partner do bedtime but the same principles would also apply to grandparents or other family members too if they were going to be taking care of your infant whilst you are away.
Anxiety
Feeling anxious about leaving your baby, especially for the first time, is completely normal. We are hardwired to be near our babies and to be concerned about their safety. But this is the thing to remember, they are safe! They are in the safe, loving hands of someone you trust with your infant. They may be upset and there will probably be tears but tears are a healthy way of expressing themselves and the presence of a calm, loving, familiar caregiver will help keep them safe in these moments. It’s hard to reign in all the what-ifs that can spin in your brain. I have always found reading other moms' success stories and navigating these anxious thoughts grounding in helping me to prepare to manage my feelings when leaving. I have saved these in a highlight here.
Preparation
One of the ways to manage anxious feelings is to prepare what you can. For example, make sure you have pumped enough milk by starting early and leaving enough time. Although it's good to note that babies always drink way less than you think they will! I like to leave enough time to practice my partner being involved in the routines and rhythms of the day, to practice giving bottles, and to talk over sleepy cues. Ultimately, I know they will find their rhythm and it will be okay. I trust him to stay calm and regulated but talking through all the things in my head stops them spinning and becoming huge.
There is no one age or time where everyone will feel ready to leave their baby. Find the time that is right for you and put in place the steps that you need to feel prepared and as comfortable as you can. Lastly, make sure you are gentle with yourself. Leaving your baby is hard and vulnerable and allowing your feelings to come up and supporting yourself through them is all part of the process!
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